Divorce and Blended Families

When a family faces challenges that cannot be fixed by both partners for whatever reason and the situation just continues to worsen, a divorce takes place. Couples are more likely to divorce when they have different hobbies, plans and ideas, friends, lack of communication, and selfishness plays a role in the relationship. It is difficult to accept when they don’t even show love and emotional connection with one another. Unlike a successful relationship is when both people have the attributes that are appreciated. Divorce not only affects the couple who is going through the crisis, but the children are most affected if the situation if it is not carefully treated.

There are six stages of divorce: First, we begin with the emotional divorce. It means that there is a loss of trust, respect, and love for each other. Rather than helping one another to solve the problem, they begin to act in ways to hurt and reject each other. Then there is legal divorce in which the couple goes to court to finish the marriage. Depending how the case goes, many kids live with their mother due to the legal custody and the sad thing is that they usually can’t say much about where to go. Divorce can be a negative or positive impact. In one hand, it can cause heartache and depression. Or it can cause relief and a new chance to start over. The economic divorce where it involves who takes what such as the house, furniture, personal things they have worked during their marriage. Selfishness plays a toll on this situation. Co-parental can be difficult when and how to take care of children. Usually, it is done by custody and visitation rights. However, tensions may rise throughout this by putting their children in the middle. Community divorce is when the divorced couple leaves friends and family members behind because they feel uncomfortable when the relationship was primarily influenced by the other spouse. Lastly, psychic divorce is when the individual begins to heal after the breakup. It takes time for the person to close those wounds and it is also a time where they analyze the positive and negative things in the marriage. I believe divorce is one of the most painful experience a person can go through because the individual loses a person who they loved deeply and thought they were capable of enduring everything together. 

 

When it is time to transition, divorce couples may not marry again due to the emotional and the psychological damage from the experience and would rather spend their life with their children and stay single. However, some others decide to marry another person and try to move on with their lives once again. When there is a blended family, many things change such as the family structure, culture, and rules in the home. It becomes a bit complex and difficult to understand. For instance, children suffer the consequences of visiting the other parent and having to adjust to the different home. Same goes for the holidays, etc. In some difficult cases, a parent may not want to be involved anymore and may cut the relationship. This can cause resentment and sadness towards that parent. When there are stepparents, they have to build a relationship with the children that doesn’t take the parental role but rather it has to be respectful and kind. The biological parents will always hold the responsibility to discipline their children. It is like a division within the family and all members needs to be customed. It usually takes at least two years where things become normal because there is so much to learn from the other parent and step siblings if there is any during that period of time. In many instances, those relationships don’t last long. 

 

 

Parenthood

What is the purpose of parenting? In general, parenting means that two capable adults who want to raise children have the ability to teach, guide, and protect them in any way. Their first priority is to be for them and help them achieve the best in this world. It means that these two adults can also take care of themselves and make a positive contribution to society. Parenting has different techniques to teach children right from wrong, teach morals and values, help them learn and grow until there comes a day that they are ready to start their life independently. And all that they learn from their parents, they continue to teach these techniques to future generations. 

Parenting is such an important part of the family unit to educate our children. Parents want the best for their children to gain qualities that will benefit them throughout their life. Such qualities can include at being confident, sociable, hopeful, resilient through stress, friendly, hardworking, responsible, etc. However, many times it can be difficult to teach these skills when we don’t build a relationship with our children and we are just going through the emotions. When we just tell them what to do and don’t give them the ability to choose or think for themselves, they are going to grow up thinking that others will do the work for them. Another example is the lack of contact and patience. Many parents get impatient with their children and would quickly raise their voice or punish them. Such results can be a negative impact and the lessons wouldn’t be learned. I have learned that parents need a space as for children to learn how to communicate without offending each other. Parenting takes a lot of effort, time, and energy and when these are not met, kids do not learn that affection is needed. Children who are not taught properly can become resentful, hurtful, antisocial, depressed, anxious, and even develop mental disorders. 

 

We are growing a culture where touch and affection is decreasing because we are paying attention to what is in our hands among other distractions. Even though these things are important to our society, it doesn’t mean that it should control our lives. Specially among the young generation and parents need to be aware of that. I remember when I was having dinner with my family, occasionally my brother would take out his phone to text. My parents notice that and taught him that it was disrespectful to do that when we were having family time. Being with your parents is really important because they will be there for the rest of your life even when your friends won’t be. 

 

When you observe young children of the ages of 2, they have such energy and positiveness that want to explore their surroundings and help the family in any way. No matter what, they will want to feel included and participate. Such as chores. But when parents don’t see that and exclude them, they may feel hurt and will learn that they are not needed. Parents need to always recognize them verbally. They also need to help the child feel that they are loved accepted. Children are vulnerable and what they need from parents is to listen and guide rather than lecture them. Many times, I have seen how much a parent talk to their children, but the child won’t learn anything because the parent is not involved emotionally. I believe that it is important that parents align themselves with their kids at their level and always have an open communication. If a parent wants their child to trust them and feel like they will hear what the child has to say, parents need to first build that relationship and let them know that they are safe. 

 

Fatherhood and Budgetting

We all grew up differently. Starting with our parents and siblings, friends, the community, the culture, and even the country where we reside. But our primarily factor is our parents and how they influence us. Maybe you have been taught that a father and a mother are the important units in the home but in some families, they did not have the opportunity to experience both. In many factors, problems may become overwhelming and both parents argue, and tension rises in the home that if it is not carefully taken care of, it may end in divorce. In the end, the family suffers. However, as I have observed, parenthood may seem like it is suffering, and many fathers are out of the picture.

 

What is parenthood? Parenthood is the sense of family and it often helps to create a connection within its family members and personal growth. It gives the opportunity to guide, teach values and traditions to future generations. When a child is involved in functional family that loves and respects their children, the outcomes is that they may be able to feel safe and understand new perspectives. I believe that each parent has different responsibilities in the home, but more or less fathers give a greater influence and development to their children. It is important to remember that their goal is to meet the child’s needs and help them discover what they are capable of doing and inspire them to follow their aspirations as they get older. 

 

Another important thing to remember is that couples are meant to help each other and encourage each other in times of struggle rather than getting frustrated. Tension rises specially when it is about budgeting and how we manage it. It is not easy to decide what will be more beneficial for the couple when even both parties disagree and have different interests. This can cause stress and in many cases they will try to avoid it by either not talking about it or buying useless things. Many newlyweds struggle financially as they try to incorporate each other lives together and learn how they can budget their money. In many cases, this kind of problems may help them be vulnerable and help each other out. For instance, my husband and I have been living a bit tight with our money coming in short. We could only buy groceries once a month and barely had any dates. We did what we could around house and if were short with money, we would buy fast food that was cheap or anything we had left over in the fridge. I was starting to get tired and bored with not many resources. However, as we talked about it, our relationship got stronger and not too long ago we received a scholarship that has been helping us live more comfortably. It is not easy to live in a way that it hard to get around but with patience, things will get better if you rely on your spouse and those who you trust. When it comes to finances, it is important to have an open communication, don’t be quick to be upset, obtain that trust, be vulnerable to see from their point of view, and work together. I think it is valuable when a couple is involved rather than only one person, both can help each other through their finances so that way they can keep track on their budget history, I know that when both are involved, their relationship gets stronger, look out for each other, accomplish their goals, and most importantly they are committed to one another. My parents have been a great example to me about how they budget their money. Even though they have separate bank accounts, they come together every week to discuss their finances and are able to come up with new goals. That way they can save up money and are able to organize their budget and focus on what is important.

Types of communications and its effectiveness

Our ways of communications are the number one recourse that helps us get around through this world. Even though we all may act differently, our words and body language may impact how we address to the other person and how they view us. Have you ever wondered that every person has a point of view of yourself? You see, no matter who you talk to, they will always get an impression from you and it will be different from another person. Say, a family member, a friend, a stranger, or romantic partner, we all act accordingly to the relationship we have with them. One thing for sure is that not always do we pay attention how we are sending our message. 

Many times, we give nonverbal messages that may not always say what we intend to say to the person we are talking to. For example, the word “I love you” may be defined as a positive or negative way depending how you use your body language and facial expressions. It can come as a form of a question to the person saying it to the other person feeling surprised or confused for the confession been made. It can also be said sarcastically without feeling love for that person. Or it can be expressed with a feeling of indifference when facing someone who makes you feel uncomfortable. We tend to act in the moment we are living and respond to the first thing that comes to our head. More than anything, our eyes are the biggest give away about our emotions and may say contrary to what we express in our mouth. For instance, when someone is feeing down and somebody greets them saying “how are you?”, their usual response will most likely be “I’m fine.” When in reality, their eyes may seem teary and sad.

 

Another nonverbal communication is how we dress and present ourselves to others. It gives ideas to where the person comes from and how the person behaves. Touching is another example because it expresses love and interest, and it reinforces the relationship. Whereas if there is lack of touching it may be a sign of respect or indifference. 

When we give improper nonverbal cues, it may become a problem because the person who sends a nonverbal message, the other person may interpret and hear it differently. Another idea that was shared in my class is that, somebody shared that they like to do dishes, but his wife felt like he was ignoring her and felt hurt that he didn’t want to talk to her every time he did dishes. Then after they talked about it, he expressed to her that he wasn’t mad at her in any way. In fact, he loved washing dishes because it was a way to unwind from the day and made him feel at peace. If this problem wasn’t confronted, their relationship might become distant. It is important to be aware of our ways of communication because we may be intentionally hurting the person we love most.

 

Keep in mind to always think before speaking and be aware of your facial expressions because they will say more than your words ever can express. However, it can be difficult to control our expression when we are upset and many times we find ourselves saying the wrong thing. So, I think it is best to learn how we can express them effectively. I have difficult time expressing my emotions when I am upset, so a lot of the time I just keep quiet. My husband gets worried and interprets the message that he did something wrong. He will keep insisting me until I tell him what is bothering me and after a while we are able to fix the problem. Social and verbal cues are always important to look out for everyday in our lives. 

Coping with Family Crisis

Like all aspects of life, in order for us to grow and overcome our fears, struggles, and insecurities, is to go through a crisis. It can affect us and our family, but this crisis causes us to be stressed and feel anxious. Which is not all that bad for us. When we feel stressed and anxious about something, our mind is doing everything to find a possible solution. It is fascinating what we can do. In fact, it all depends how we perceive the situation and what we can do about it. For instance, for some families it may be a disaster that the provider may have lost the job and there is no way out. For some others with the same situation could cope with this dilemma and find solutions. Like this example, there are many situations that we face that you may find it stressful. 

How do we cope with stress? There are negative and positive outcomes to this. Sometimes when we are under stress, we turn into drinking alcohol, smoking, chew our nails, drive fast, negative self-talk, eating too much or too little, and feel tense all the time. This causes that we may find ourselves to be stuck in a box only sinking deeper and deeper and not being able to come out of that box. 

Whereas, when we cope with stress in a positive way, is to first take deep breaths and try to relax our muscles and clear our minds. Getting some sleep can help with that and can help us feel fresh. It is important to be productive and keep our body healthy and exercise. When a family is under stress, the best way to cope is to talk about it and find ways to interact with one another and put that stressful situation aside for a moment. Only when you identify the stressor, things will get better. I know that when I get stressed out about something, I always sleep it off and it helps me to think clearly when I wake up.

 

Some of the stressors can be those on big life events such as getting a new job, getting married, (or being a new wedded couple and are trying to figure out financial pressures), moving to a new place (city, state, country), becoming dissatisfied with a career or job, gaining more responsibilities as the years pass, and sickness. Sometimes if may feel like it is too much to bear but we must remember that these experiences help us become wiser and stronger. Sometimes throughout difficult experiences can be beneficial to help another family. For instance, a military family whose spouse have been deployed can cause pain and loneliness to the family. When another family understands these feelings, they will be able to aid and lift the family who is going through a difficult moment in their life. 

It can also be challenging when we grief over someone who has passed because it causes stress to the family. For instance, a couple whose child dies can affect their marital relationship and cause of divorce. 

 

We must remember that stress and anxiety help us thrive because it helps us be aware of the situation. It is important to take responsibility and confront the problem and if the situation is serious, seeking professional help can reduce stress. It is imperative to believe in yourself and have ability to deal with the problem. Remember that your family have different strengths and the ability to cope effectively. Try to change the meaning of the situation and think of ways you can learn from this and how you might impact your family and others. 

The importance of intimacy in a marriage

 Hey Readers,

How do we as human beings create healthy, intimate relationships? First, we must understand what intimacy is and how it builds a foundation for our self-image. We may also need to recognize how fidelity and infidelity affect one’s relationship. After we comprehend these thoughts we can put them together to produce healthier relationships. 

 

According to the Good Therapy, intimacy can be defined as, “mutual vulnerability, openness, and sharing. It is often present in close, loving relationships such as marriages and friendships.” As human beings, we are naturally attracted to someone who we can connect with and build lasting relationships. On a romantic level, intimacy can be classified by having sexual relations and being intimate with your spouse or partner. Sexual relations are one of the basic drives that is an expression of love and it invite us to feel good about ourselves and feel close to our partner. When we have a good sexual life with our spouse, studies show that it elevates our hormones, self-esteem, trust, and a deeper connection. Not only is important to have that desire but having intimacy is also a reinforcement. Intimacy can classify as being open with your thoughts and emotions and create memorable moments that can last a lifetime. It is necessary to have a balance of these two because the couple can strengthen the relationship. 

 

The results of fidelity in a couple can bring happiness because they can trust in each other to do the right thing. Fidelity is something that is easily obtained in the beginning of a relationship but can be very easy to lose as well. One thing that my husband and I have done to keep our fidelity to each other is keeping open communication and talk to each other when things get stressful. We also like to go out on dates and continue to find the joy that we had in the beginning of our relationship. 

However, the consequences of infidelity can damage not only the spouse but the person that may initiate it in the first place. So, why does it happen? Many married couples wonder what it would be like to have sexual relations with someone else other than their spouse. Even though, many times these fantasies are never realistic to what they were expecting. Another example can be seen when problems arise, and one goes to express their anger and frustration to a friend of the opposite sex. This can be dangerous because instead of talking to their partner about it, feelings can start to develop toward somebody else. Lastly, when there is lack of communication, no time for each other, and worldly distractions can affect the relationship.

There are ways to improve and gain a healthy relationship such as listening to your spouse, help each other, lift one another in times of stress, and be an encouragement to each other. It is important to always put your spouse first in any case. I know somebody in my class who used to be really close to one of her friends from the mission. Once her friend of the opposite sex married, their relationship changed because she didn’t want to cross the line with his new spouse. But he showed her they could still be friends with their wife present. This was a great example of friendship because now they can get together and talk about anything she may need help without feeling awkward. I thought this was an important lesson because this shows how much respect her friend was putting his wife first and friends second. Another important point to learn in a relationship is that both people need to understand each other and to never rush into having sexual relations. It is something beautiful and sacred that a couple experiences and it should be taken seriously. I know that by understanding intimacy, how fidelity can change our lives to be better can help us have a healthy union for many years to come. 

Marriage: Couples and Their Different Dynamics

This past week I was able to learn about marriage and what it consists of. Marriage can be such an interesting and important transition in our lives if we decide to do it. Many of us think that marriage is the most important phase in our lives because it is expected in many cultures, family traditions and values, and for personal benefits. I have always thought that marriage is a happy time to be in love, dance around, and there would never be any conflicts. But was I wrong… Marriage is a team effort where both individuals are each other’s support, companion, friend, and lover. However, marriage was not always like this. I can say that its meaning has changed over time. Centuries ago, marriages used to be a political thing. Specially in Europe, where the couple would marry each other so that way families could stay wealthy and their nations powerful. To this day, it has transitioned the people looking for a partner who could find intimacy, personal fulfillment, and may continue to grow together. Some individuals do not choose to marry for different kind of reasons and that is okay too. Some others marry because they would like to build a family with children, while some others would not like children.

There are different couple dynamics out there. In fact, this week I have studied seven types of couples’ dynamics. To start off, there is the Financially Focused where the couple makes a good living out of their profession and are satisfied with their wants and needs. However, conflict arises when they are dissatisfied about their communication patterns if it’s not solid, and parenting. Traditional couples are those whose relationship is strong with family and friends and are satisfied with their leisure activities. Although, they tend to struggle with communication and intimacy. Conflicted couples are satisfied with fun activities and parenting their children but are dissatisfied with communication patterns and may not know how to deal with conflict. Harmonious couples are those who are satisfied with one another and their relationship but are burdened with parenting their children. They may find children as not as important. Balanced couples are comfortable in three areas: Their relationship, children, and intimacy. They communicate well with each other and find ways to fix their problems. For example, when finances rise up the table, they are able to talk about them and solve it. Finally, Vitalized couples are those who can work together and deal with any kind of problems. They feel satisfied with their relationship and may do anything to fulfill their needs and expectations. As you read this, were you able to classify yourself in any of these? If not, that is okay because their multiple dynamics in marriage and we can always improve.

 

When a couple first marries, it is important to throw some expectations. Now that they decided to build a future together, I believe it is important to be honest with each other so there might not be conflicts and misunderstandings in the future. I know that when I got married, my husband and I always had an open communication and we felt comfortable telling what is in our minds. We don’t like conflict because we understand that arguing with each other won’t get us anywhere. From our personal experiences, we both knew that talking about our disagreements meant better results because we put things into perspective and understand where we are coming from. We laid out our expectations and work together so that we can grow and build each other through our efforts and love. We are not perfect, but we strive to be equal with one another and find balance in our relationship. 

 

 

Effects of Dating

 Well, this should be an interesting topic to talk about. Dating has changed over the past years and we can all define what dating is in different ways. There was a scale of building a relationship such as dating, courtship, engagement, and marriage. Now I believe these labels don’t exist. At least in some ways. 

To start off, dating is a way to get to know someone. You build that friendship and you become vulnerable to see what the other person is like in different kind of situations. You build that strong foundation and when you both have similar interests; you may ask them on a date. Back in the day, probably thirty years ago, date was an activity you plan with someone and spend time with them one on one. Like going to the fair, get ice cream, go on a hike, go skiing, etc. Many places that could be ideal for a date. A date wasn’t something that should be taken too seriously as getting physical with one another, but it gave an opportunity to expand your horizons. Then you move on to the next step which is courtship. Courtship was used when the relationship got serious and both were committed to each other. Courtship led to engagement and marriage. When we are married, it helps the couple have an understanding for their future and family. It is nurtured through love and patience. When a couple is committed, it builds a family who presides the household, provide for the family, and would do anything to protect it.

 

Unfortunately, we go back to basics and I believe we have forgotten what dating is like and now we focus into getting physical with someone. For instance, in today’s culture having dates and getting to know others is not as important as it used to be anymore. Now, date is classified as “hanging out”. It doesn’t have meaning and hanging out means having other people around too. Dating has become casual. This can be a disadvantage because when you are only hanging out with that person, things can start to be boring and may clash at not having that spark. Especially when cohabitation plays a role. Studies show that cohabitation is not always successful because for one thing, there is not commitment, the relationship has become casual, and attraction becomes dull. I think it is important to point out that dating is important to have in our lives because we were born to be social creatures. We were created to be with someone and grow old with. The key to have a good relationship is to always communicate, have trust one another, be there for each other, and remember that every moment spent with that person you love matters. 

I can agree that many people may not want to have an intimate relationship because of past relationships where they felt hurt, rejected, or may remember negative moments. They may build walls around them in order to protect themselves from heartache. It is sad to know that there are those who have experienced more of the negative side with their partner. Perhaps that is the reason people now a days don’t want to take dating as a serious thing. Maybe they only want to spend an amount of time with that certain person with no labels because they are uncomfortable with the idea. 

It’s important to meet different kinds of people so that way we can understand who we want to see ourselves with. Finding someone and see their person, how they can contribute to the relationship, and most importantly being there for each other. 

Gender Differences

This topic can be a little risky because many of us believe gender can be expressed differently or it has to stay a certain way. So, I’m going to speak respectfully about the matter. I believe a century ago, gender wasn’t a difficult topic to talk about. Gender went according to the biology of the body and people married those of the opposite sex. 

To start off, I saw a study of gender differences between girls and boys. Girls are taught to play with dolls, make up, playhouse, and mostly being gentle with others.  Whereas boys were taught to play with cars, toy guns, ball, and mostly being interactive. When they were put together, they were asked to describe their opposites. As a result, the boys and girls only underestimated each other. Some parents have experimented with their kids since birth by giving them the same toys. In this experiment, parents have found that girls were not as interested in the same toys as the boys were. 

I believe there needs to be a culture where there can be taught to respect and appreciate each other. We were built to be different but that does not mean that that one is better than the other. Our skills, abilities, and experiences help us grow to become the person we can be tomorrow. It helps us unite one another and our gender does matter because it defines our identity.

It’s crazy to believe how the world has changed over time. Now, there are those who consider themselves to be more than male or female and where their sexuality stands. As I see it in the other side of the spectrum of homosexuality and gender fluidity, it has become more acceptable in the world whereas it was hardly acceptable decades ago. Although I do not support same sex marriage, I have a respect for individuals who choose that path because it is not easy to live under those circumstances. For one thing, it can be difficult to accept their new sexuality and become comfortable with it. Their family can be affected and may have to go through some changes whether they support it or not. Some of the consequences this group of people may experience are the feeling of loneliness, depression, anxiety, and such because they may find it challenging to fit in a place that is different from them. I still believe no matter who we are and where we come from, there is a need to have respect for each other. No one really knows how same sex attraction happens because only the person who is going through this experience can understand what is happening. 

I know of someone who took time to know who he really was. As a young kid, he felt different from the other boys. He was more attracted to the arts, reading, and spending more time with girls. While his brother had an interest in of playing outside with the other kids. As he grew up, he felt nervous hanging out with other boys. It was as if he was bashful to speak with them. He didn’t feel that way when he talked to girls. He felt confused and decided to know the meaning of this. As the years went by, he began to open up his feelings and even though he would be rejected, he never gave up. His feelings were strong and knew he couldn’t hide it anymore. He decided to tell his family and even though, it took time for them accept these differences. They always knew he was different from the way he acted. Nonetheless, they were supportive of him and love him for who he is. 

Social class and its influence

Last week I talked a little bit about family dynamics and how certain behaviors may affect each of the family members. For instance, rules, roles, costs and rewards, conflicts, resolutions, etc. All of these aspects help each family interact with one another, and each individual is able to grow and learn from these influences. 

This week, I was able to go a little more in depth about how social class may influence a family and the outcomes that may come off of it. You know, most of us know each term as the high class, middle class, middle-low class, and low-class. Each of these different social classes affect how we see ourselves and others. Moreover, depending on the resources we have in our hands may help us be prepared for world around us. 

I would like to share my experience about how social class has affected me and the dynamics that played a role in my family.

One topic I will mention in my experience is: How can one carefully choose the aspects of one's culture to keep, and how do we perpetuate those into coming generations?

My family and I are from Mexico City. My dad was perfume business owner and made sure he received the merchandise every so often. He actually had to travel to the United States to buy the product and send it over to Mexico. My mom also worked with him but was a stay home mom too. She helped sell the product and drive all over the city with my dad. My dad always had his office at home, so he didn’t have to go out all the time and would always manage to spend time as family and provide for us. We would always go out to eat good restaurants, go to vacation trips, and every other weekend, we would have social gatherings with my aunts and uncles. My brother was involved in school and sports, and I lived a fun childhood for the most part because I didn’t have to worry too much about anything except going to school. You could say, we lived in a high-middle class. This lasted for more than ten years or so.

 

Over time though, my dad’s clients slowly stopped buying his product and some wouldn’t pay him on time or at all. My parents began to feel stressed out and even though they tried to hide it in front of us, I was oblivious to the changes that were about to happen. My dad thought about being part of a different type of business, including moving to a different state. Suddenly, one of my extended family members who lived in the US reached out to my dad and suggested to move into the States. He talked to him about saving more money, finding better opportunities of living, and finding a better job than he could have in Mexico. This was a difficult decision that my parents had to make. 

 

My dad decided he’d go alone and “test the waters” and see if everything my cousin told him was true. We didn’t see my dad for over a year. My mom worked a lot more and put the house on sale. I was excited to move to the States. I watched Hollywood movies and I thought “wow, it must be cool to live there.” I also enjoyed learning English and being able to fluently speak it made me excited. What I didn’t know was that moving to a new country would take a big toll on me. I had to learn a new culture, traditions, and people weren’t like those who I pictured in my head. When we moved, my dad had a totally different job and was no longer a business owner. The family who talked to him into moving to the States didn’t really help us out and pretty much had to learn how to work on our own. My parents had different jobs such a fast-food restaurant, throwing newspapers every morning, housekeeping, and a grocery company. This a drastic change that forced us to rely on each other. Even though they worked hard, they always encouraged my brother and I to continue our education in order to have a better future. We were no longer in a high-middle class, but in a middle-low class. This allowed us to humble ourselves and that not everything in life will be the way we expect them to. I learned the importance of being responsible and being grateful. I managed to learn English, overcome my loneliness for not fitting in groups, and put my education first. Even though I am part of a new culture, I still am proud for where I come from and I think it’s important to share these experiences to future generations.

Types of family dynamics

I had the opportunity to learn about different kind of family interactions that help us become the person we are today. As I have mentioned in my other posts, family is essential part of our lives because they help us learn and gain experiences, they take care of us, and when we have no one else on a certain point, family will always be there to support us. 

 

To start off, there are four main family theories that help us analyze our own family and see how these influences affect our life. There is Family System Theory which means family members interact and influences each other’s behavior. For example, a family may form a system that have particular rules or roles that the members come acquainted. Along with the emotional and cognitive development, we should strengthen our individuality and our relationship with our peers. 

 

Next, Exchange Theory means our costs and rewards in interaction with others. Costs means the investment we put on that relationship such as time, energy, and money. Whereas rewards mean the emotional and sense of security that makes us feel satisfied within the relationship. Throughout our lifespan we will always look out for the pros and cons in a relationship. It doesn’t always have to be a romantic partner, but every other relationship we consider that will benefit our life and the other person. It is negotiating certain decisions within our family life as well such as chores, dividing work hours, childcare, and hobbies.

 

Symbolic Interaction Theory is the definition of the situation. For instance, two people may be living the same experience but may obtain a different message than the other. A couple are hanging out with friends, but one feels like their partner isn’t paying too much attention to them while the other is totally aware of their partner. If they don’t communicate, this can cause serious problems in their relationship. 

 

Finally, Conflict Theory means having conflict differences about goals, interests, and needs. It can also be contradicting when a family member has goals that they want to strive for, but it cannot be met by the other members. Unfortunately, conflict theory can also be met by social classes because the less resources someone has, the less is able to meet the needs and goals they have. Although, conflict can rise up when there is inequality, misunderstandings, stress, etc. 

 

In my experience, I have totally seen these different theories play a role in my family. An example of Family System Theory is that I grew up in a family where there was a system that we always had to be together and help one another. My parents build a foundation of responsibility, order, love, and manage to spend time with me and my brother. An example of Exchange Theory is when my mom would assign us chores and sometimes, I wouldn’t want to do it. But in an exchange, she would reward me a thank you and a kiss. It made me feel satisfied that I could help my parents out while they were busy with work. Symbolic Interaction played a role when my brother had the “freedom” to do more things than me such as going out and coming home later at night. My brother and I are five years apart. So, while he was in his teens and I was just in my preteens I felt conflicted that my parents were giving him more privileges than me. Whereas in reality, my parents were only managing what was best for us according to our age and experience. I saw Conflict Theory when a certain time my parents had economic stress and were worried about how to support us. However, they were able to discuss it and come up with an action plan by working harder and saving up money. Family theories are important to have in our life because it helps us define who we are and the lessons we learn. I definitely know that I will take some interactions that I learned in my family and teach my future family. 

What kind of family system theories have you seen in your family?

Not all research studies tell the truth

During this week, I learned an interesting matter about a recent social science research that was published in March of the year 2012. This research talked about the differences of homosexual parents and heterosexual parents and how it was affecting the children within the family. This is quite bit controversial because for one thing, scientists were studying the parents rather than observing the children and what they had to say about it. This is such a sensitive topic because I see how the world is turning their attention into homosexual marriages and thinking it is okay to be this way, and there is no harm whatsoever. As I was reading through the article, I became aware that some of the study results included the observations from one side but not from the other. For example, a study by Koepke about Relationship quality in a sample of lesbian couples with children and child-free lesbian couples, only 47 homosexual couples rated that they had relation quality with the children, whereas heterosexual couples rated 0. 

 

Moreover, according to the American Psychology Association concluded that, “not a single study has found children of lesbian or gay parents to be disadvantaged in any significant respect relative to children of heterosexual parents”. I do not agree with this statement because there is a big impact in both sides of the spectrum. Most of the studies and surveys were conducted by well-educated Caucasian lesbian couples with children. Because of these results, they want to categorize the entire population. Now, you can see that this begins to be a biased study. The media only wants to show you the “best picture” so that you agree with the idea of children not being affected when in fact they are. What they are not showing you is the other groups of people who are also experiencing this as well. 

 

 

As I come to my conclusion, I believe it is important to keep our eyes open and listen carefully. No all the research studies tell the truth. In the world we live in, it is so easy to believe those who have the authority and manipulate our thoughts and feelings about how we should live our life or the life of others. Many of them are interested to just get a personal gain, make rumors, or because they don’t want to hurt nobody’s feelings. 

It is important to seek truth by studying reliable resources, think about it deeply in what you think is right, and come to a conclusion to what will benefit you and others around you. Taking the action also goes in hand if we want to learn more about a certain topic. As we gain knowledge by opening our minds and find evidence to our research, we may teach it to others so that they can also understand the world around them. I know I had to do my research while I was reading the article. At first, I found it interesting and thought it could all be true. However, as I looked through the document and the research analysis they made, it just didn’t make sense. I learned that this is a tool for me to learn and discern children are affected by how parents teach their children and the environment they live. We are not perfect, but we take step by step in order to grow and become a better person if we chose to do so. It is a process, and it will take time to see the world as it is, but it takes discipline to build our character and face the challenges with confidence and intelligence.

Welcome (intro)

 Hey ya.

As I start with this blog, I would like to share my insights as I learn in Family Relations class and hope you enjoy my posts. As I mentioned before I want to major in Marriage and Family Studies, and I aspire to become a social worker or a counselor and being able to work with young children and families. I know this class will help me get a better understanding what a family means and how I can better help those families who struggle. I hope that as you read my posts, you can comment your point of view and help me understand better.