Parenthood

What is the purpose of parenting? In general, parenting means that two capable adults who want to raise children have the ability to teach, guide, and protect them in any way. Their first priority is to be for them and help them achieve the best in this world. It means that these two adults can also take care of themselves and make a positive contribution to society. Parenting has different techniques to teach children right from wrong, teach morals and values, help them learn and grow until there comes a day that they are ready to start their life independently. And all that they learn from their parents, they continue to teach these techniques to future generations. 

Parenting is such an important part of the family unit to educate our children. Parents want the best for their children to gain qualities that will benefit them throughout their life. Such qualities can include at being confident, sociable, hopeful, resilient through stress, friendly, hardworking, responsible, etc. However, many times it can be difficult to teach these skills when we don’t build a relationship with our children and we are just going through the emotions. When we just tell them what to do and don’t give them the ability to choose or think for themselves, they are going to grow up thinking that others will do the work for them. Another example is the lack of contact and patience. Many parents get impatient with their children and would quickly raise their voice or punish them. Such results can be a negative impact and the lessons wouldn’t be learned. I have learned that parents need a space as for children to learn how to communicate without offending each other. Parenting takes a lot of effort, time, and energy and when these are not met, kids do not learn that affection is needed. Children who are not taught properly can become resentful, hurtful, antisocial, depressed, anxious, and even develop mental disorders. 

 

We are growing a culture where touch and affection is decreasing because we are paying attention to what is in our hands among other distractions. Even though these things are important to our society, it doesn’t mean that it should control our lives. Specially among the young generation and parents need to be aware of that. I remember when I was having dinner with my family, occasionally my brother would take out his phone to text. My parents notice that and taught him that it was disrespectful to do that when we were having family time. Being with your parents is really important because they will be there for the rest of your life even when your friends won’t be. 

 

When you observe young children of the ages of 2, they have such energy and positiveness that want to explore their surroundings and help the family in any way. No matter what, they will want to feel included and participate. Such as chores. But when parents don’t see that and exclude them, they may feel hurt and will learn that they are not needed. Parents need to always recognize them verbally. They also need to help the child feel that they are loved accepted. Children are vulnerable and what they need from parents is to listen and guide rather than lecture them. Many times, I have seen how much a parent talk to their children, but the child won’t learn anything because the parent is not involved emotionally. I believe that it is important that parents align themselves with their kids at their level and always have an open communication. If a parent wants their child to trust them and feel like they will hear what the child has to say, parents need to first build that relationship and let them know that they are safe. 

 

Fatherhood and Budgetting

We all grew up differently. Starting with our parents and siblings, friends, the community, the culture, and even the country where we reside. But our primarily factor is our parents and how they influence us. Maybe you have been taught that a father and a mother are the important units in the home but in some families, they did not have the opportunity to experience both. In many factors, problems may become overwhelming and both parents argue, and tension rises in the home that if it is not carefully taken care of, it may end in divorce. In the end, the family suffers. However, as I have observed, parenthood may seem like it is suffering, and many fathers are out of the picture.

 

What is parenthood? Parenthood is the sense of family and it often helps to create a connection within its family members and personal growth. It gives the opportunity to guide, teach values and traditions to future generations. When a child is involved in functional family that loves and respects their children, the outcomes is that they may be able to feel safe and understand new perspectives. I believe that each parent has different responsibilities in the home, but more or less fathers give a greater influence and development to their children. It is important to remember that their goal is to meet the child’s needs and help them discover what they are capable of doing and inspire them to follow their aspirations as they get older. 

 

Another important thing to remember is that couples are meant to help each other and encourage each other in times of struggle rather than getting frustrated. Tension rises specially when it is about budgeting and how we manage it. It is not easy to decide what will be more beneficial for the couple when even both parties disagree and have different interests. This can cause stress and in many cases they will try to avoid it by either not talking about it or buying useless things. Many newlyweds struggle financially as they try to incorporate each other lives together and learn how they can budget their money. In many cases, this kind of problems may help them be vulnerable and help each other out. For instance, my husband and I have been living a bit tight with our money coming in short. We could only buy groceries once a month and barely had any dates. We did what we could around house and if were short with money, we would buy fast food that was cheap or anything we had left over in the fridge. I was starting to get tired and bored with not many resources. However, as we talked about it, our relationship got stronger and not too long ago we received a scholarship that has been helping us live more comfortably. It is not easy to live in a way that it hard to get around but with patience, things will get better if you rely on your spouse and those who you trust. When it comes to finances, it is important to have an open communication, don’t be quick to be upset, obtain that trust, be vulnerable to see from their point of view, and work together. I think it is valuable when a couple is involved rather than only one person, both can help each other through their finances so that way they can keep track on their budget history, I know that when both are involved, their relationship gets stronger, look out for each other, accomplish their goals, and most importantly they are committed to one another. My parents have been a great example to me about how they budget their money. Even though they have separate bank accounts, they come together every week to discuss their finances and are able to come up with new goals. That way they can save up money and are able to organize their budget and focus on what is important.

Types of communications and its effectiveness

Our ways of communications are the number one recourse that helps us get around through this world. Even though we all may act differently, our words and body language may impact how we address to the other person and how they view us. Have you ever wondered that every person has a point of view of yourself? You see, no matter who you talk to, they will always get an impression from you and it will be different from another person. Say, a family member, a friend, a stranger, or romantic partner, we all act accordingly to the relationship we have with them. One thing for sure is that not always do we pay attention how we are sending our message. 

Many times, we give nonverbal messages that may not always say what we intend to say to the person we are talking to. For example, the word “I love you” may be defined as a positive or negative way depending how you use your body language and facial expressions. It can come as a form of a question to the person saying it to the other person feeling surprised or confused for the confession been made. It can also be said sarcastically without feeling love for that person. Or it can be expressed with a feeling of indifference when facing someone who makes you feel uncomfortable. We tend to act in the moment we are living and respond to the first thing that comes to our head. More than anything, our eyes are the biggest give away about our emotions and may say contrary to what we express in our mouth. For instance, when someone is feeing down and somebody greets them saying “how are you?”, their usual response will most likely be “I’m fine.” When in reality, their eyes may seem teary and sad.

 

Another nonverbal communication is how we dress and present ourselves to others. It gives ideas to where the person comes from and how the person behaves. Touching is another example because it expresses love and interest, and it reinforces the relationship. Whereas if there is lack of touching it may be a sign of respect or indifference. 

When we give improper nonverbal cues, it may become a problem because the person who sends a nonverbal message, the other person may interpret and hear it differently. Another idea that was shared in my class is that, somebody shared that they like to do dishes, but his wife felt like he was ignoring her and felt hurt that he didn’t want to talk to her every time he did dishes. Then after they talked about it, he expressed to her that he wasn’t mad at her in any way. In fact, he loved washing dishes because it was a way to unwind from the day and made him feel at peace. If this problem wasn’t confronted, their relationship might become distant. It is important to be aware of our ways of communication because we may be intentionally hurting the person we love most.

 

Keep in mind to always think before speaking and be aware of your facial expressions because they will say more than your words ever can express. However, it can be difficult to control our expression when we are upset and many times we find ourselves saying the wrong thing. So, I think it is best to learn how we can express them effectively. I have difficult time expressing my emotions when I am upset, so a lot of the time I just keep quiet. My husband gets worried and interprets the message that he did something wrong. He will keep insisting me until I tell him what is bothering me and after a while we are able to fix the problem. Social and verbal cues are always important to look out for everyday in our lives. 

Coping with Family Crisis

Like all aspects of life, in order for us to grow and overcome our fears, struggles, and insecurities, is to go through a crisis. It can affect us and our family, but this crisis causes us to be stressed and feel anxious. Which is not all that bad for us. When we feel stressed and anxious about something, our mind is doing everything to find a possible solution. It is fascinating what we can do. In fact, it all depends how we perceive the situation and what we can do about it. For instance, for some families it may be a disaster that the provider may have lost the job and there is no way out. For some others with the same situation could cope with this dilemma and find solutions. Like this example, there are many situations that we face that you may find it stressful. 

How do we cope with stress? There are negative and positive outcomes to this. Sometimes when we are under stress, we turn into drinking alcohol, smoking, chew our nails, drive fast, negative self-talk, eating too much or too little, and feel tense all the time. This causes that we may find ourselves to be stuck in a box only sinking deeper and deeper and not being able to come out of that box. 

Whereas, when we cope with stress in a positive way, is to first take deep breaths and try to relax our muscles and clear our minds. Getting some sleep can help with that and can help us feel fresh. It is important to be productive and keep our body healthy and exercise. When a family is under stress, the best way to cope is to talk about it and find ways to interact with one another and put that stressful situation aside for a moment. Only when you identify the stressor, things will get better. I know that when I get stressed out about something, I always sleep it off and it helps me to think clearly when I wake up.

 

Some of the stressors can be those on big life events such as getting a new job, getting married, (or being a new wedded couple and are trying to figure out financial pressures), moving to a new place (city, state, country), becoming dissatisfied with a career or job, gaining more responsibilities as the years pass, and sickness. Sometimes if may feel like it is too much to bear but we must remember that these experiences help us become wiser and stronger. Sometimes throughout difficult experiences can be beneficial to help another family. For instance, a military family whose spouse have been deployed can cause pain and loneliness to the family. When another family understands these feelings, they will be able to aid and lift the family who is going through a difficult moment in their life. 

It can also be challenging when we grief over someone who has passed because it causes stress to the family. For instance, a couple whose child dies can affect their marital relationship and cause of divorce. 

 

We must remember that stress and anxiety help us thrive because it helps us be aware of the situation. It is important to take responsibility and confront the problem and if the situation is serious, seeking professional help can reduce stress. It is imperative to believe in yourself and have ability to deal with the problem. Remember that your family have different strengths and the ability to cope effectively. Try to change the meaning of the situation and think of ways you can learn from this and how you might impact your family and others.