Divorce and Blended Families

When a family faces challenges that cannot be fixed by both partners for whatever reason and the situation just continues to worsen, a divorce takes place. Couples are more likely to divorce when they have different hobbies, plans and ideas, friends, lack of communication, and selfishness plays a role in the relationship. It is difficult to accept when they don’t even show love and emotional connection with one another. Unlike a successful relationship is when both people have the attributes that are appreciated. Divorce not only affects the couple who is going through the crisis, but the children are most affected if the situation if it is not carefully treated.

There are six stages of divorce: First, we begin with the emotional divorce. It means that there is a loss of trust, respect, and love for each other. Rather than helping one another to solve the problem, they begin to act in ways to hurt and reject each other. Then there is legal divorce in which the couple goes to court to finish the marriage. Depending how the case goes, many kids live with their mother due to the legal custody and the sad thing is that they usually can’t say much about where to go. Divorce can be a negative or positive impact. In one hand, it can cause heartache and depression. Or it can cause relief and a new chance to start over. The economic divorce where it involves who takes what such as the house, furniture, personal things they have worked during their marriage. Selfishness plays a toll on this situation. Co-parental can be difficult when and how to take care of children. Usually, it is done by custody and visitation rights. However, tensions may rise throughout this by putting their children in the middle. Community divorce is when the divorced couple leaves friends and family members behind because they feel uncomfortable when the relationship was primarily influenced by the other spouse. Lastly, psychic divorce is when the individual begins to heal after the breakup. It takes time for the person to close those wounds and it is also a time where they analyze the positive and negative things in the marriage. I believe divorce is one of the most painful experience a person can go through because the individual loses a person who they loved deeply and thought they were capable of enduring everything together. 

 

When it is time to transition, divorce couples may not marry again due to the emotional and the psychological damage from the experience and would rather spend their life with their children and stay single. However, some others decide to marry another person and try to move on with their lives once again. When there is a blended family, many things change such as the family structure, culture, and rules in the home. It becomes a bit complex and difficult to understand. For instance, children suffer the consequences of visiting the other parent and having to adjust to the different home. Same goes for the holidays, etc. In some difficult cases, a parent may not want to be involved anymore and may cut the relationship. This can cause resentment and sadness towards that parent. When there are stepparents, they have to build a relationship with the children that doesn’t take the parental role but rather it has to be respectful and kind. The biological parents will always hold the responsibility to discipline their children. It is like a division within the family and all members needs to be customed. It usually takes at least two years where things become normal because there is so much to learn from the other parent and step siblings if there is any during that period of time. In many instances, those relationships don’t last long. 

 

 

Parenthood

What is the purpose of parenting? In general, parenting means that two capable adults who want to raise children have the ability to teach, guide, and protect them in any way. Their first priority is to be for them and help them achieve the best in this world. It means that these two adults can also take care of themselves and make a positive contribution to society. Parenting has different techniques to teach children right from wrong, teach morals and values, help them learn and grow until there comes a day that they are ready to start their life independently. And all that they learn from their parents, they continue to teach these techniques to future generations. 

Parenting is such an important part of the family unit to educate our children. Parents want the best for their children to gain qualities that will benefit them throughout their life. Such qualities can include at being confident, sociable, hopeful, resilient through stress, friendly, hardworking, responsible, etc. However, many times it can be difficult to teach these skills when we don’t build a relationship with our children and we are just going through the emotions. When we just tell them what to do and don’t give them the ability to choose or think for themselves, they are going to grow up thinking that others will do the work for them. Another example is the lack of contact and patience. Many parents get impatient with their children and would quickly raise their voice or punish them. Such results can be a negative impact and the lessons wouldn’t be learned. I have learned that parents need a space as for children to learn how to communicate without offending each other. Parenting takes a lot of effort, time, and energy and when these are not met, kids do not learn that affection is needed. Children who are not taught properly can become resentful, hurtful, antisocial, depressed, anxious, and even develop mental disorders. 

 

We are growing a culture where touch and affection is decreasing because we are paying attention to what is in our hands among other distractions. Even though these things are important to our society, it doesn’t mean that it should control our lives. Specially among the young generation and parents need to be aware of that. I remember when I was having dinner with my family, occasionally my brother would take out his phone to text. My parents notice that and taught him that it was disrespectful to do that when we were having family time. Being with your parents is really important because they will be there for the rest of your life even when your friends won’t be. 

 

When you observe young children of the ages of 2, they have such energy and positiveness that want to explore their surroundings and help the family in any way. No matter what, they will want to feel included and participate. Such as chores. But when parents don’t see that and exclude them, they may feel hurt and will learn that they are not needed. Parents need to always recognize them verbally. They also need to help the child feel that they are loved accepted. Children are vulnerable and what they need from parents is to listen and guide rather than lecture them. Many times, I have seen how much a parent talk to their children, but the child won’t learn anything because the parent is not involved emotionally. I believe that it is important that parents align themselves with their kids at their level and always have an open communication. If a parent wants their child to trust them and feel like they will hear what the child has to say, parents need to first build that relationship and let them know that they are safe. 

 

Fatherhood and Budgetting

We all grew up differently. Starting with our parents and siblings, friends, the community, the culture, and even the country where we reside. But our primarily factor is our parents and how they influence us. Maybe you have been taught that a father and a mother are the important units in the home but in some families, they did not have the opportunity to experience both. In many factors, problems may become overwhelming and both parents argue, and tension rises in the home that if it is not carefully taken care of, it may end in divorce. In the end, the family suffers. However, as I have observed, parenthood may seem like it is suffering, and many fathers are out of the picture.

 

What is parenthood? Parenthood is the sense of family and it often helps to create a connection within its family members and personal growth. It gives the opportunity to guide, teach values and traditions to future generations. When a child is involved in functional family that loves and respects their children, the outcomes is that they may be able to feel safe and understand new perspectives. I believe that each parent has different responsibilities in the home, but more or less fathers give a greater influence and development to their children. It is important to remember that their goal is to meet the child’s needs and help them discover what they are capable of doing and inspire them to follow their aspirations as they get older. 

 

Another important thing to remember is that couples are meant to help each other and encourage each other in times of struggle rather than getting frustrated. Tension rises specially when it is about budgeting and how we manage it. It is not easy to decide what will be more beneficial for the couple when even both parties disagree and have different interests. This can cause stress and in many cases they will try to avoid it by either not talking about it or buying useless things. Many newlyweds struggle financially as they try to incorporate each other lives together and learn how they can budget their money. In many cases, this kind of problems may help them be vulnerable and help each other out. For instance, my husband and I have been living a bit tight with our money coming in short. We could only buy groceries once a month and barely had any dates. We did what we could around house and if were short with money, we would buy fast food that was cheap or anything we had left over in the fridge. I was starting to get tired and bored with not many resources. However, as we talked about it, our relationship got stronger and not too long ago we received a scholarship that has been helping us live more comfortably. It is not easy to live in a way that it hard to get around but with patience, things will get better if you rely on your spouse and those who you trust. When it comes to finances, it is important to have an open communication, don’t be quick to be upset, obtain that trust, be vulnerable to see from their point of view, and work together. I think it is valuable when a couple is involved rather than only one person, both can help each other through their finances so that way they can keep track on their budget history, I know that when both are involved, their relationship gets stronger, look out for each other, accomplish their goals, and most importantly they are committed to one another. My parents have been a great example to me about how they budget their money. Even though they have separate bank accounts, they come together every week to discuss their finances and are able to come up with new goals. That way they can save up money and are able to organize their budget and focus on what is important.

Types of communications and its effectiveness

Our ways of communications are the number one recourse that helps us get around through this world. Even though we all may act differently, our words and body language may impact how we address to the other person and how they view us. Have you ever wondered that every person has a point of view of yourself? You see, no matter who you talk to, they will always get an impression from you and it will be different from another person. Say, a family member, a friend, a stranger, or romantic partner, we all act accordingly to the relationship we have with them. One thing for sure is that not always do we pay attention how we are sending our message. 

Many times, we give nonverbal messages that may not always say what we intend to say to the person we are talking to. For example, the word “I love you” may be defined as a positive or negative way depending how you use your body language and facial expressions. It can come as a form of a question to the person saying it to the other person feeling surprised or confused for the confession been made. It can also be said sarcastically without feeling love for that person. Or it can be expressed with a feeling of indifference when facing someone who makes you feel uncomfortable. We tend to act in the moment we are living and respond to the first thing that comes to our head. More than anything, our eyes are the biggest give away about our emotions and may say contrary to what we express in our mouth. For instance, when someone is feeing down and somebody greets them saying “how are you?”, their usual response will most likely be “I’m fine.” When in reality, their eyes may seem teary and sad.

 

Another nonverbal communication is how we dress and present ourselves to others. It gives ideas to where the person comes from and how the person behaves. Touching is another example because it expresses love and interest, and it reinforces the relationship. Whereas if there is lack of touching it may be a sign of respect or indifference. 

When we give improper nonverbal cues, it may become a problem because the person who sends a nonverbal message, the other person may interpret and hear it differently. Another idea that was shared in my class is that, somebody shared that they like to do dishes, but his wife felt like he was ignoring her and felt hurt that he didn’t want to talk to her every time he did dishes. Then after they talked about it, he expressed to her that he wasn’t mad at her in any way. In fact, he loved washing dishes because it was a way to unwind from the day and made him feel at peace. If this problem wasn’t confronted, their relationship might become distant. It is important to be aware of our ways of communication because we may be intentionally hurting the person we love most.

 

Keep in mind to always think before speaking and be aware of your facial expressions because they will say more than your words ever can express. However, it can be difficult to control our expression when we are upset and many times we find ourselves saying the wrong thing. So, I think it is best to learn how we can express them effectively. I have difficult time expressing my emotions when I am upset, so a lot of the time I just keep quiet. My husband gets worried and interprets the message that he did something wrong. He will keep insisting me until I tell him what is bothering me and after a while we are able to fix the problem. Social and verbal cues are always important to look out for everyday in our lives. 

Coping with Family Crisis

Like all aspects of life, in order for us to grow and overcome our fears, struggles, and insecurities, is to go through a crisis. It can affect us and our family, but this crisis causes us to be stressed and feel anxious. Which is not all that bad for us. When we feel stressed and anxious about something, our mind is doing everything to find a possible solution. It is fascinating what we can do. In fact, it all depends how we perceive the situation and what we can do about it. For instance, for some families it may be a disaster that the provider may have lost the job and there is no way out. For some others with the same situation could cope with this dilemma and find solutions. Like this example, there are many situations that we face that you may find it stressful. 

How do we cope with stress? There are negative and positive outcomes to this. Sometimes when we are under stress, we turn into drinking alcohol, smoking, chew our nails, drive fast, negative self-talk, eating too much or too little, and feel tense all the time. This causes that we may find ourselves to be stuck in a box only sinking deeper and deeper and not being able to come out of that box. 

Whereas, when we cope with stress in a positive way, is to first take deep breaths and try to relax our muscles and clear our minds. Getting some sleep can help with that and can help us feel fresh. It is important to be productive and keep our body healthy and exercise. When a family is under stress, the best way to cope is to talk about it and find ways to interact with one another and put that stressful situation aside for a moment. Only when you identify the stressor, things will get better. I know that when I get stressed out about something, I always sleep it off and it helps me to think clearly when I wake up.

 

Some of the stressors can be those on big life events such as getting a new job, getting married, (or being a new wedded couple and are trying to figure out financial pressures), moving to a new place (city, state, country), becoming dissatisfied with a career or job, gaining more responsibilities as the years pass, and sickness. Sometimes if may feel like it is too much to bear but we must remember that these experiences help us become wiser and stronger. Sometimes throughout difficult experiences can be beneficial to help another family. For instance, a military family whose spouse have been deployed can cause pain and loneliness to the family. When another family understands these feelings, they will be able to aid and lift the family who is going through a difficult moment in their life. 

It can also be challenging when we grief over someone who has passed because it causes stress to the family. For instance, a couple whose child dies can affect their marital relationship and cause of divorce. 

 

We must remember that stress and anxiety help us thrive because it helps us be aware of the situation. It is important to take responsibility and confront the problem and if the situation is serious, seeking professional help can reduce stress. It is imperative to believe in yourself and have ability to deal with the problem. Remember that your family have different strengths and the ability to cope effectively. Try to change the meaning of the situation and think of ways you can learn from this and how you might impact your family and others. 

The importance of intimacy in a marriage

 Hey Readers,

How do we as human beings create healthy, intimate relationships? First, we must understand what intimacy is and how it builds a foundation for our self-image. We may also need to recognize how fidelity and infidelity affect one’s relationship. After we comprehend these thoughts we can put them together to produce healthier relationships. 

 

According to the Good Therapy, intimacy can be defined as, “mutual vulnerability, openness, and sharing. It is often present in close, loving relationships such as marriages and friendships.” As human beings, we are naturally attracted to someone who we can connect with and build lasting relationships. On a romantic level, intimacy can be classified by having sexual relations and being intimate with your spouse or partner. Sexual relations are one of the basic drives that is an expression of love and it invite us to feel good about ourselves and feel close to our partner. When we have a good sexual life with our spouse, studies show that it elevates our hormones, self-esteem, trust, and a deeper connection. Not only is important to have that desire but having intimacy is also a reinforcement. Intimacy can classify as being open with your thoughts and emotions and create memorable moments that can last a lifetime. It is necessary to have a balance of these two because the couple can strengthen the relationship. 

 

The results of fidelity in a couple can bring happiness because they can trust in each other to do the right thing. Fidelity is something that is easily obtained in the beginning of a relationship but can be very easy to lose as well. One thing that my husband and I have done to keep our fidelity to each other is keeping open communication and talk to each other when things get stressful. We also like to go out on dates and continue to find the joy that we had in the beginning of our relationship. 

However, the consequences of infidelity can damage not only the spouse but the person that may initiate it in the first place. So, why does it happen? Many married couples wonder what it would be like to have sexual relations with someone else other than their spouse. Even though, many times these fantasies are never realistic to what they were expecting. Another example can be seen when problems arise, and one goes to express their anger and frustration to a friend of the opposite sex. This can be dangerous because instead of talking to their partner about it, feelings can start to develop toward somebody else. Lastly, when there is lack of communication, no time for each other, and worldly distractions can affect the relationship.

There are ways to improve and gain a healthy relationship such as listening to your spouse, help each other, lift one another in times of stress, and be an encouragement to each other. It is important to always put your spouse first in any case. I know somebody in my class who used to be really close to one of her friends from the mission. Once her friend of the opposite sex married, their relationship changed because she didn’t want to cross the line with his new spouse. But he showed her they could still be friends with their wife present. This was a great example of friendship because now they can get together and talk about anything she may need help without feeling awkward. I thought this was an important lesson because this shows how much respect her friend was putting his wife first and friends second. Another important point to learn in a relationship is that both people need to understand each other and to never rush into having sexual relations. It is something beautiful and sacred that a couple experiences and it should be taken seriously. I know that by understanding intimacy, how fidelity can change our lives to be better can help us have a healthy union for many years to come. 

Marriage: Couples and Their Different Dynamics

This past week I was able to learn about marriage and what it consists of. Marriage can be such an interesting and important transition in our lives if we decide to do it. Many of us think that marriage is the most important phase in our lives because it is expected in many cultures, family traditions and values, and for personal benefits. I have always thought that marriage is a happy time to be in love, dance around, and there would never be any conflicts. But was I wrong… Marriage is a team effort where both individuals are each other’s support, companion, friend, and lover. However, marriage was not always like this. I can say that its meaning has changed over time. Centuries ago, marriages used to be a political thing. Specially in Europe, where the couple would marry each other so that way families could stay wealthy and their nations powerful. To this day, it has transitioned the people looking for a partner who could find intimacy, personal fulfillment, and may continue to grow together. Some individuals do not choose to marry for different kind of reasons and that is okay too. Some others marry because they would like to build a family with children, while some others would not like children.

There are different couple dynamics out there. In fact, this week I have studied seven types of couples’ dynamics. To start off, there is the Financially Focused where the couple makes a good living out of their profession and are satisfied with their wants and needs. However, conflict arises when they are dissatisfied about their communication patterns if it’s not solid, and parenting. Traditional couples are those whose relationship is strong with family and friends and are satisfied with their leisure activities. Although, they tend to struggle with communication and intimacy. Conflicted couples are satisfied with fun activities and parenting their children but are dissatisfied with communication patterns and may not know how to deal with conflict. Harmonious couples are those who are satisfied with one another and their relationship but are burdened with parenting their children. They may find children as not as important. Balanced couples are comfortable in three areas: Their relationship, children, and intimacy. They communicate well with each other and find ways to fix their problems. For example, when finances rise up the table, they are able to talk about them and solve it. Finally, Vitalized couples are those who can work together and deal with any kind of problems. They feel satisfied with their relationship and may do anything to fulfill their needs and expectations. As you read this, were you able to classify yourself in any of these? If not, that is okay because their multiple dynamics in marriage and we can always improve.

 

When a couple first marries, it is important to throw some expectations. Now that they decided to build a future together, I believe it is important to be honest with each other so there might not be conflicts and misunderstandings in the future. I know that when I got married, my husband and I always had an open communication and we felt comfortable telling what is in our minds. We don’t like conflict because we understand that arguing with each other won’t get us anywhere. From our personal experiences, we both knew that talking about our disagreements meant better results because we put things into perspective and understand where we are coming from. We laid out our expectations and work together so that we can grow and build each other through our efforts and love. We are not perfect, but we strive to be equal with one another and find balance in our relationship.