Effects of Dating

 Well, this should be an interesting topic to talk about. Dating has changed over the past years and we can all define what dating is in different ways. There was a scale of building a relationship such as dating, courtship, engagement, and marriage. Now I believe these labels don’t exist. At least in some ways. 

To start off, dating is a way to get to know someone. You build that friendship and you become vulnerable to see what the other person is like in different kind of situations. You build that strong foundation and when you both have similar interests; you may ask them on a date. Back in the day, probably thirty years ago, date was an activity you plan with someone and spend time with them one on one. Like going to the fair, get ice cream, go on a hike, go skiing, etc. Many places that could be ideal for a date. A date wasn’t something that should be taken too seriously as getting physical with one another, but it gave an opportunity to expand your horizons. Then you move on to the next step which is courtship. Courtship was used when the relationship got serious and both were committed to each other. Courtship led to engagement and marriage. When we are married, it helps the couple have an understanding for their future and family. It is nurtured through love and patience. When a couple is committed, it builds a family who presides the household, provide for the family, and would do anything to protect it.

 

Unfortunately, we go back to basics and I believe we have forgotten what dating is like and now we focus into getting physical with someone. For instance, in today’s culture having dates and getting to know others is not as important as it used to be anymore. Now, date is classified as “hanging out”. It doesn’t have meaning and hanging out means having other people around too. Dating has become casual. This can be a disadvantage because when you are only hanging out with that person, things can start to be boring and may clash at not having that spark. Especially when cohabitation plays a role. Studies show that cohabitation is not always successful because for one thing, there is not commitment, the relationship has become casual, and attraction becomes dull. I think it is important to point out that dating is important to have in our lives because we were born to be social creatures. We were created to be with someone and grow old with. The key to have a good relationship is to always communicate, have trust one another, be there for each other, and remember that every moment spent with that person you love matters. 

I can agree that many people may not want to have an intimate relationship because of past relationships where they felt hurt, rejected, or may remember negative moments. They may build walls around them in order to protect themselves from heartache. It is sad to know that there are those who have experienced more of the negative side with their partner. Perhaps that is the reason people now a days don’t want to take dating as a serious thing. Maybe they only want to spend an amount of time with that certain person with no labels because they are uncomfortable with the idea. 

It’s important to meet different kinds of people so that way we can understand who we want to see ourselves with. Finding someone and see their person, how they can contribute to the relationship, and most importantly being there for each other. 

Gender Differences

This topic can be a little risky because many of us believe gender can be expressed differently or it has to stay a certain way. So, I’m going to speak respectfully about the matter. I believe a century ago, gender wasn’t a difficult topic to talk about. Gender went according to the biology of the body and people married those of the opposite sex. 

To start off, I saw a study of gender differences between girls and boys. Girls are taught to play with dolls, make up, playhouse, and mostly being gentle with others.  Whereas boys were taught to play with cars, toy guns, ball, and mostly being interactive. When they were put together, they were asked to describe their opposites. As a result, the boys and girls only underestimated each other. Some parents have experimented with their kids since birth by giving them the same toys. In this experiment, parents have found that girls were not as interested in the same toys as the boys were. 

I believe there needs to be a culture where there can be taught to respect and appreciate each other. We were built to be different but that does not mean that that one is better than the other. Our skills, abilities, and experiences help us grow to become the person we can be tomorrow. It helps us unite one another and our gender does matter because it defines our identity.

It’s crazy to believe how the world has changed over time. Now, there are those who consider themselves to be more than male or female and where their sexuality stands. As I see it in the other side of the spectrum of homosexuality and gender fluidity, it has become more acceptable in the world whereas it was hardly acceptable decades ago. Although I do not support same sex marriage, I have a respect for individuals who choose that path because it is not easy to live under those circumstances. For one thing, it can be difficult to accept their new sexuality and become comfortable with it. Their family can be affected and may have to go through some changes whether they support it or not. Some of the consequences this group of people may experience are the feeling of loneliness, depression, anxiety, and such because they may find it challenging to fit in a place that is different from them. I still believe no matter who we are and where we come from, there is a need to have respect for each other. No one really knows how same sex attraction happens because only the person who is going through this experience can understand what is happening. 

I know of someone who took time to know who he really was. As a young kid, he felt different from the other boys. He was more attracted to the arts, reading, and spending more time with girls. While his brother had an interest in of playing outside with the other kids. As he grew up, he felt nervous hanging out with other boys. It was as if he was bashful to speak with them. He didn’t feel that way when he talked to girls. He felt confused and decided to know the meaning of this. As the years went by, he began to open up his feelings and even though he would be rejected, he never gave up. His feelings were strong and knew he couldn’t hide it anymore. He decided to tell his family and even though, it took time for them accept these differences. They always knew he was different from the way he acted. Nonetheless, they were supportive of him and love him for who he is. 

Social class and its influence

Last week I talked a little bit about family dynamics and how certain behaviors may affect each of the family members. For instance, rules, roles, costs and rewards, conflicts, resolutions, etc. All of these aspects help each family interact with one another, and each individual is able to grow and learn from these influences. 

This week, I was able to go a little more in depth about how social class may influence a family and the outcomes that may come off of it. You know, most of us know each term as the high class, middle class, middle-low class, and low-class. Each of these different social classes affect how we see ourselves and others. Moreover, depending on the resources we have in our hands may help us be prepared for world around us. 

I would like to share my experience about how social class has affected me and the dynamics that played a role in my family.

One topic I will mention in my experience is: How can one carefully choose the aspects of one's culture to keep, and how do we perpetuate those into coming generations?

My family and I are from Mexico City. My dad was perfume business owner and made sure he received the merchandise every so often. He actually had to travel to the United States to buy the product and send it over to Mexico. My mom also worked with him but was a stay home mom too. She helped sell the product and drive all over the city with my dad. My dad always had his office at home, so he didn’t have to go out all the time and would always manage to spend time as family and provide for us. We would always go out to eat good restaurants, go to vacation trips, and every other weekend, we would have social gatherings with my aunts and uncles. My brother was involved in school and sports, and I lived a fun childhood for the most part because I didn’t have to worry too much about anything except going to school. You could say, we lived in a high-middle class. This lasted for more than ten years or so.

 

Over time though, my dad’s clients slowly stopped buying his product and some wouldn’t pay him on time or at all. My parents began to feel stressed out and even though they tried to hide it in front of us, I was oblivious to the changes that were about to happen. My dad thought about being part of a different type of business, including moving to a different state. Suddenly, one of my extended family members who lived in the US reached out to my dad and suggested to move into the States. He talked to him about saving more money, finding better opportunities of living, and finding a better job than he could have in Mexico. This was a difficult decision that my parents had to make. 

 

My dad decided he’d go alone and “test the waters” and see if everything my cousin told him was true. We didn’t see my dad for over a year. My mom worked a lot more and put the house on sale. I was excited to move to the States. I watched Hollywood movies and I thought “wow, it must be cool to live there.” I also enjoyed learning English and being able to fluently speak it made me excited. What I didn’t know was that moving to a new country would take a big toll on me. I had to learn a new culture, traditions, and people weren’t like those who I pictured in my head. When we moved, my dad had a totally different job and was no longer a business owner. The family who talked to him into moving to the States didn’t really help us out and pretty much had to learn how to work on our own. My parents had different jobs such a fast-food restaurant, throwing newspapers every morning, housekeeping, and a grocery company. This a drastic change that forced us to rely on each other. Even though they worked hard, they always encouraged my brother and I to continue our education in order to have a better future. We were no longer in a high-middle class, but in a middle-low class. This allowed us to humble ourselves and that not everything in life will be the way we expect them to. I learned the importance of being responsible and being grateful. I managed to learn English, overcome my loneliness for not fitting in groups, and put my education first. Even though I am part of a new culture, I still am proud for where I come from and I think it’s important to share these experiences to future generations.

Types of family dynamics

I had the opportunity to learn about different kind of family interactions that help us become the person we are today. As I have mentioned in my other posts, family is essential part of our lives because they help us learn and gain experiences, they take care of us, and when we have no one else on a certain point, family will always be there to support us. 

 

To start off, there are four main family theories that help us analyze our own family and see how these influences affect our life. There is Family System Theory which means family members interact and influences each other’s behavior. For example, a family may form a system that have particular rules or roles that the members come acquainted. Along with the emotional and cognitive development, we should strengthen our individuality and our relationship with our peers. 

 

Next, Exchange Theory means our costs and rewards in interaction with others. Costs means the investment we put on that relationship such as time, energy, and money. Whereas rewards mean the emotional and sense of security that makes us feel satisfied within the relationship. Throughout our lifespan we will always look out for the pros and cons in a relationship. It doesn’t always have to be a romantic partner, but every other relationship we consider that will benefit our life and the other person. It is negotiating certain decisions within our family life as well such as chores, dividing work hours, childcare, and hobbies.

 

Symbolic Interaction Theory is the definition of the situation. For instance, two people may be living the same experience but may obtain a different message than the other. A couple are hanging out with friends, but one feels like their partner isn’t paying too much attention to them while the other is totally aware of their partner. If they don’t communicate, this can cause serious problems in their relationship. 

 

Finally, Conflict Theory means having conflict differences about goals, interests, and needs. It can also be contradicting when a family member has goals that they want to strive for, but it cannot be met by the other members. Unfortunately, conflict theory can also be met by social classes because the less resources someone has, the less is able to meet the needs and goals they have. Although, conflict can rise up when there is inequality, misunderstandings, stress, etc. 

 

In my experience, I have totally seen these different theories play a role in my family. An example of Family System Theory is that I grew up in a family where there was a system that we always had to be together and help one another. My parents build a foundation of responsibility, order, love, and manage to spend time with me and my brother. An example of Exchange Theory is when my mom would assign us chores and sometimes, I wouldn’t want to do it. But in an exchange, she would reward me a thank you and a kiss. It made me feel satisfied that I could help my parents out while they were busy with work. Symbolic Interaction played a role when my brother had the “freedom” to do more things than me such as going out and coming home later at night. My brother and I are five years apart. So, while he was in his teens and I was just in my preteens I felt conflicted that my parents were giving him more privileges than me. Whereas in reality, my parents were only managing what was best for us according to our age and experience. I saw Conflict Theory when a certain time my parents had economic stress and were worried about how to support us. However, they were able to discuss it and come up with an action plan by working harder and saving up money. Family theories are important to have in our life because it helps us define who we are and the lessons we learn. I definitely know that I will take some interactions that I learned in my family and teach my future family. 

What kind of family system theories have you seen in your family?

Not all research studies tell the truth

During this week, I learned an interesting matter about a recent social science research that was published in March of the year 2012. This research talked about the differences of homosexual parents and heterosexual parents and how it was affecting the children within the family. This is quite bit controversial because for one thing, scientists were studying the parents rather than observing the children and what they had to say about it. This is such a sensitive topic because I see how the world is turning their attention into homosexual marriages and thinking it is okay to be this way, and there is no harm whatsoever. As I was reading through the article, I became aware that some of the study results included the observations from one side but not from the other. For example, a study by Koepke about Relationship quality in a sample of lesbian couples with children and child-free lesbian couples, only 47 homosexual couples rated that they had relation quality with the children, whereas heterosexual couples rated 0. 

 

Moreover, according to the American Psychology Association concluded that, “not a single study has found children of lesbian or gay parents to be disadvantaged in any significant respect relative to children of heterosexual parents”. I do not agree with this statement because there is a big impact in both sides of the spectrum. Most of the studies and surveys were conducted by well-educated Caucasian lesbian couples with children. Because of these results, they want to categorize the entire population. Now, you can see that this begins to be a biased study. The media only wants to show you the “best picture” so that you agree with the idea of children not being affected when in fact they are. What they are not showing you is the other groups of people who are also experiencing this as well. 

 

 

As I come to my conclusion, I believe it is important to keep our eyes open and listen carefully. No all the research studies tell the truth. In the world we live in, it is so easy to believe those who have the authority and manipulate our thoughts and feelings about how we should live our life or the life of others. Many of them are interested to just get a personal gain, make rumors, or because they don’t want to hurt nobody’s feelings. 

It is important to seek truth by studying reliable resources, think about it deeply in what you think is right, and come to a conclusion to what will benefit you and others around you. Taking the action also goes in hand if we want to learn more about a certain topic. As we gain knowledge by opening our minds and find evidence to our research, we may teach it to others so that they can also understand the world around them. I know I had to do my research while I was reading the article. At first, I found it interesting and thought it could all be true. However, as I looked through the document and the research analysis they made, it just didn’t make sense. I learned that this is a tool for me to learn and discern children are affected by how parents teach their children and the environment they live. We are not perfect, but we take step by step in order to grow and become a better person if we chose to do so. It is a process, and it will take time to see the world as it is, but it takes discipline to build our character and face the challenges with confidence and intelligence.

Welcome (intro)

 Hey ya.

As I start with this blog, I would like to share my insights as I learn in Family Relations class and hope you enjoy my posts. As I mentioned before I want to major in Marriage and Family Studies, and I aspire to become a social worker or a counselor and being able to work with young children and families. I know this class will help me get a better understanding what a family means and how I can better help those families who struggle. I hope that as you read my posts, you can comment your point of view and help me understand better.