The importance of intimacy in a marriage

 Hey Readers,

How do we as human beings create healthy, intimate relationships? First, we must understand what intimacy is and how it builds a foundation for our self-image. We may also need to recognize how fidelity and infidelity affect one’s relationship. After we comprehend these thoughts we can put them together to produce healthier relationships. 

 

According to the Good Therapy, intimacy can be defined as, “mutual vulnerability, openness, and sharing. It is often present in close, loving relationships such as marriages and friendships.” As human beings, we are naturally attracted to someone who we can connect with and build lasting relationships. On a romantic level, intimacy can be classified by having sexual relations and being intimate with your spouse or partner. Sexual relations are one of the basic drives that is an expression of love and it invite us to feel good about ourselves and feel close to our partner. When we have a good sexual life with our spouse, studies show that it elevates our hormones, self-esteem, trust, and a deeper connection. Not only is important to have that desire but having intimacy is also a reinforcement. Intimacy can classify as being open with your thoughts and emotions and create memorable moments that can last a lifetime. It is necessary to have a balance of these two because the couple can strengthen the relationship. 

 

The results of fidelity in a couple can bring happiness because they can trust in each other to do the right thing. Fidelity is something that is easily obtained in the beginning of a relationship but can be very easy to lose as well. One thing that my husband and I have done to keep our fidelity to each other is keeping open communication and talk to each other when things get stressful. We also like to go out on dates and continue to find the joy that we had in the beginning of our relationship. 

However, the consequences of infidelity can damage not only the spouse but the person that may initiate it in the first place. So, why does it happen? Many married couples wonder what it would be like to have sexual relations with someone else other than their spouse. Even though, many times these fantasies are never realistic to what they were expecting. Another example can be seen when problems arise, and one goes to express their anger and frustration to a friend of the opposite sex. This can be dangerous because instead of talking to their partner about it, feelings can start to develop toward somebody else. Lastly, when there is lack of communication, no time for each other, and worldly distractions can affect the relationship.

There are ways to improve and gain a healthy relationship such as listening to your spouse, help each other, lift one another in times of stress, and be an encouragement to each other. It is important to always put your spouse first in any case. I know somebody in my class who used to be really close to one of her friends from the mission. Once her friend of the opposite sex married, their relationship changed because she didn’t want to cross the line with his new spouse. But he showed her they could still be friends with their wife present. This was a great example of friendship because now they can get together and talk about anything she may need help without feeling awkward. I thought this was an important lesson because this shows how much respect her friend was putting his wife first and friends second. Another important point to learn in a relationship is that both people need to understand each other and to never rush into having sexual relations. It is something beautiful and sacred that a couple experiences and it should be taken seriously. I know that by understanding intimacy, how fidelity can change our lives to be better can help us have a healthy union for many years to come. 

Marriage: Couples and Their Different Dynamics

This past week I was able to learn about marriage and what it consists of. Marriage can be such an interesting and important transition in our lives if we decide to do it. Many of us think that marriage is the most important phase in our lives because it is expected in many cultures, family traditions and values, and for personal benefits. I have always thought that marriage is a happy time to be in love, dance around, and there would never be any conflicts. But was I wrong… Marriage is a team effort where both individuals are each other’s support, companion, friend, and lover. However, marriage was not always like this. I can say that its meaning has changed over time. Centuries ago, marriages used to be a political thing. Specially in Europe, where the couple would marry each other so that way families could stay wealthy and their nations powerful. To this day, it has transitioned the people looking for a partner who could find intimacy, personal fulfillment, and may continue to grow together. Some individuals do not choose to marry for different kind of reasons and that is okay too. Some others marry because they would like to build a family with children, while some others would not like children.

There are different couple dynamics out there. In fact, this week I have studied seven types of couples’ dynamics. To start off, there is the Financially Focused where the couple makes a good living out of their profession and are satisfied with their wants and needs. However, conflict arises when they are dissatisfied about their communication patterns if it’s not solid, and parenting. Traditional couples are those whose relationship is strong with family and friends and are satisfied with their leisure activities. Although, they tend to struggle with communication and intimacy. Conflicted couples are satisfied with fun activities and parenting their children but are dissatisfied with communication patterns and may not know how to deal with conflict. Harmonious couples are those who are satisfied with one another and their relationship but are burdened with parenting their children. They may find children as not as important. Balanced couples are comfortable in three areas: Their relationship, children, and intimacy. They communicate well with each other and find ways to fix their problems. For example, when finances rise up the table, they are able to talk about them and solve it. Finally, Vitalized couples are those who can work together and deal with any kind of problems. They feel satisfied with their relationship and may do anything to fulfill their needs and expectations. As you read this, were you able to classify yourself in any of these? If not, that is okay because their multiple dynamics in marriage and we can always improve.

 

When a couple first marries, it is important to throw some expectations. Now that they decided to build a future together, I believe it is important to be honest with each other so there might not be conflicts and misunderstandings in the future. I know that when I got married, my husband and I always had an open communication and we felt comfortable telling what is in our minds. We don’t like conflict because we understand that arguing with each other won’t get us anywhere. From our personal experiences, we both knew that talking about our disagreements meant better results because we put things into perspective and understand where we are coming from. We laid out our expectations and work together so that we can grow and build each other through our efforts and love. We are not perfect, but we strive to be equal with one another and find balance in our relationship. 

 

 

Effects of Dating

 Well, this should be an interesting topic to talk about. Dating has changed over the past years and we can all define what dating is in different ways. There was a scale of building a relationship such as dating, courtship, engagement, and marriage. Now I believe these labels don’t exist. At least in some ways. 

To start off, dating is a way to get to know someone. You build that friendship and you become vulnerable to see what the other person is like in different kind of situations. You build that strong foundation and when you both have similar interests; you may ask them on a date. Back in the day, probably thirty years ago, date was an activity you plan with someone and spend time with them one on one. Like going to the fair, get ice cream, go on a hike, go skiing, etc. Many places that could be ideal for a date. A date wasn’t something that should be taken too seriously as getting physical with one another, but it gave an opportunity to expand your horizons. Then you move on to the next step which is courtship. Courtship was used when the relationship got serious and both were committed to each other. Courtship led to engagement and marriage. When we are married, it helps the couple have an understanding for their future and family. It is nurtured through love and patience. When a couple is committed, it builds a family who presides the household, provide for the family, and would do anything to protect it.

 

Unfortunately, we go back to basics and I believe we have forgotten what dating is like and now we focus into getting physical with someone. For instance, in today’s culture having dates and getting to know others is not as important as it used to be anymore. Now, date is classified as “hanging out”. It doesn’t have meaning and hanging out means having other people around too. Dating has become casual. This can be a disadvantage because when you are only hanging out with that person, things can start to be boring and may clash at not having that spark. Especially when cohabitation plays a role. Studies show that cohabitation is not always successful because for one thing, there is not commitment, the relationship has become casual, and attraction becomes dull. I think it is important to point out that dating is important to have in our lives because we were born to be social creatures. We were created to be with someone and grow old with. The key to have a good relationship is to always communicate, have trust one another, be there for each other, and remember that every moment spent with that person you love matters. 

I can agree that many people may not want to have an intimate relationship because of past relationships where they felt hurt, rejected, or may remember negative moments. They may build walls around them in order to protect themselves from heartache. It is sad to know that there are those who have experienced more of the negative side with their partner. Perhaps that is the reason people now a days don’t want to take dating as a serious thing. Maybe they only want to spend an amount of time with that certain person with no labels because they are uncomfortable with the idea. 

It’s important to meet different kinds of people so that way we can understand who we want to see ourselves with. Finding someone and see their person, how they can contribute to the relationship, and most importantly being there for each other. 

Gender Differences

This topic can be a little risky because many of us believe gender can be expressed differently or it has to stay a certain way. So, I’m going to speak respectfully about the matter. I believe a century ago, gender wasn’t a difficult topic to talk about. Gender went according to the biology of the body and people married those of the opposite sex. 

To start off, I saw a study of gender differences between girls and boys. Girls are taught to play with dolls, make up, playhouse, and mostly being gentle with others.  Whereas boys were taught to play with cars, toy guns, ball, and mostly being interactive. When they were put together, they were asked to describe their opposites. As a result, the boys and girls only underestimated each other. Some parents have experimented with their kids since birth by giving them the same toys. In this experiment, parents have found that girls were not as interested in the same toys as the boys were. 

I believe there needs to be a culture where there can be taught to respect and appreciate each other. We were built to be different but that does not mean that that one is better than the other. Our skills, abilities, and experiences help us grow to become the person we can be tomorrow. It helps us unite one another and our gender does matter because it defines our identity.

It’s crazy to believe how the world has changed over time. Now, there are those who consider themselves to be more than male or female and where their sexuality stands. As I see it in the other side of the spectrum of homosexuality and gender fluidity, it has become more acceptable in the world whereas it was hardly acceptable decades ago. Although I do not support same sex marriage, I have a respect for individuals who choose that path because it is not easy to live under those circumstances. For one thing, it can be difficult to accept their new sexuality and become comfortable with it. Their family can be affected and may have to go through some changes whether they support it or not. Some of the consequences this group of people may experience are the feeling of loneliness, depression, anxiety, and such because they may find it challenging to fit in a place that is different from them. I still believe no matter who we are and where we come from, there is a need to have respect for each other. No one really knows how same sex attraction happens because only the person who is going through this experience can understand what is happening. 

I know of someone who took time to know who he really was. As a young kid, he felt different from the other boys. He was more attracted to the arts, reading, and spending more time with girls. While his brother had an interest in of playing outside with the other kids. As he grew up, he felt nervous hanging out with other boys. It was as if he was bashful to speak with them. He didn’t feel that way when he talked to girls. He felt confused and decided to know the meaning of this. As the years went by, he began to open up his feelings and even though he would be rejected, he never gave up. His feelings were strong and knew he couldn’t hide it anymore. He decided to tell his family and even though, it took time for them accept these differences. They always knew he was different from the way he acted. Nonetheless, they were supportive of him and love him for who he is.